College Really Isn't Necessary — Oh, Really?

So I'm looking at some random pictures on the Internet, and by random fortune I click on an article that nearly made me cry.  Lynzee [sic] Stauss, an ostensibly mature high-school student, wrote an article that channelled the worst of Rick Santorum's thoughts on university education and crossed them with a Valley Girl spirit so audacious that I wondered about her natural hair colour.  It had to be blonde.

Miss Stauss apparently believes that "girls need to be girls" in the most stereotypical manner possible: nothing but going out to eat, manicures and pedicures, and shopping, all at their husbands' expense.  Even the bills, Miss Stauss writes, should be paid out of the poor husband's pocket.  To put the final nail in the coffin of gender equality, a status that women the world over toiled to attain for over a hundred years, Miss Stauss writes that Plan B, i.e., female employment, should not be full-time or require post-secondary training to achieve.

I first thought this was a parody.  Her worldview, which some would call unconventional and I would call fucked, certainly could not be the logical, well thought-out ideas of a sharp mind.  The article was also riddled with spelling errors, and when I say article, I mean article.  This piece was clearly part of a published newspaper, and no paper I've ever seen contains a mistake for every column-inch.

As I am wont to do, however, I looked the girl up on a popular social-networking site, of which I am a member.  This is my general ritual when introduced to people—I find that their profiles often offer insight into the deepest aspects of their personality.  As soon as I saw Miss Stauss' profile, I changed my mind instantly.  The social-networking site I was using allows members to publish a short autobiographical entry, and it was to this entry I gravitated.

It was a mirror image to the newspaper article, from the tone down to the spelling and grammar errors, which I have fixed here as I present to you Miss Stauss' auto-bio line.

My name is Lynzee.  I'm 18.  I love life.  I absolutely love my boyfriend; he treats me like a princess.  He is my Prince Charming, and there is nobody out there for me better than him.  I have two of the most amazing friends, Amber and Charisma.  I don't know what I would do without them.


Here's the article in full, again with all the mistakes corrected.  As they say in university literature classes, compare and contrast.  Well, there isn't anything to contrast really: the article uses the same tone, and even the same vocabulary, as the social network bio.

College really isn't necessary


Marriage is something that every girl looks forward to during her childhood.  I believe that every girl should marry every guy that is rich so [girls would] never have to work.  Girls can just go and get their nails done and take the kids shopping.  I don't think that college is necessary, because you go to school twelve years out of your life, and, after that, you should be done.


I can understand if men want to go to school longer to get a better education to work on stuff they like to do.  Every man should have money so he can support his family.  Even if he doesn't want to get married, I think all boys should go to college.  I don't think girls should have to go to college.  They are too busy with their life and family.  I can understand if girls want to go to beauty school, because every girl should have options.  Personally, however, I don't think college is necessary, because girls need to be girls and get their nails done or go shopping.  Have a great time.  I'm not saying boys should have the life of work and distress because they are humans, but they need to work if they want to have a good life, because obviously their wives won't be bringing in the money.  I guarantee that no girl will marry a poor guy, because every girl wants the life of a princess.  When your husband gets home from work, you can go out to eat with all the money he makes, and also pay all the bills.  Girls should all have back-up plans, but nothing that is full-time, and nothing that needs college to succeed.  Maybe like a day-care out of your home.  So, girls, have fun.  Boys, start working!