Rick Santorum. From way up here in not-so-snowy Toronto, Ontario, I heard this disgusting sloppy, sucking sound, like a plug being pulled out of a bathtub drain. "Oh, fuddle-duddle. Santorum's got his head up his arse again," I thought. I switched on my telly, changed the channel to the Chicken Noodle Network, and changed my opinion---Santorum's diagnosis was worse. Much worse. Not only was Santorum's head up his arse, but so were both his legs... because he had his feet in his mouth again, too. Now, I know Santorum appeals mainly to those foetus-worshippers and holier-than-thou Jesus freaks who believe that life begins at erection, but what he said this time around was nothing, if not purified, triple-distilled, steam-separated essence of stupidity.
"President Obama wants everybody in America to go to college [university]. What a snob. There are good, decent men and women who work hard every day and put their skills to the test that aren't taught by some liberal college professor trying to indoctrinate them. Oh, I understand why he wants you to go to college. He wants to remake you in his image." This is what Rick Santorum shat out at a campaign rally in Detroit, before this Super Tuesday. Santorum is a hypocrite and a liar, since what Obama really said was that each and every American needed to have the opportunity to go to university; all of Santorum's vile offspring certainly study or have studied at accredited institutes of education. However, suppose we take this at face value. What's wrong with every youth in America going to university or college? Does Santorum want to lower the collective intelligence and in other ways ruin one of the greatest countries in the world? University has always been, and will always be, the benchmark of intelligence and success in this society. Not that having a skilled trade certification is bad; I look upon it as being equivalent to any other post-secondary specialisation. It certainly isn't better than being a doctor or lawyer, the way Santorum would have the American people believe.
Read that quote again: "There are good, decent men... [who] work hard every day... that aren't taught by some liberal college professor trying to indoctrinate them." *sniff* Do I smell something? Let's measure just how much bullshit has piled up just in that one sentence. First of all, Mr Santorum, do you seriously mean to say that a welder or a plumber works harder than a doctor, lawyer, or accountant? If you do, you seriously have another thing coming... dumbfuck. Yes, that's right, I said dumbfuck. Second, liberal college professor? Seriously? Now, as far as I can understand, liberal in America doesn't mean the same as it does here; we use the word 'liberal' to mean something like your 'Democrat'; you use the word to mean someone almost obscenely left-leaning, like the opposite of the word 'Fascist'. Not every college professor is a Democrat, so how can you even say that a majority, or even a significant proportion, is 'liberal'? Last of all, the role of college is not to indoctrinate you. The role of college is to teach you how to think on your own, so you don't get indoctrinated. I guess that's what Santorum wants out of America... sheep. Poor, stupid, blind sheep.
In Tennessee, he went and spouted his mouth-shaped anus off yet again. "Why does Obama want everybody to go to college? So his liberal college professors can be indoctrinating people like he was when he was in college. People need training; they need skills; but they don't need to go to where Barack Obama thinks they should go. They need to go where their dreams and their heart wants them to go and where their opportunities fit what's best for them." What if they want to go--gasp!--to college? What if the great majority of American youth has dreams and hearts calling them off to academia? Why should they listen to Rick Santorum and not their hearts and dreams? College shouldn't be for those who are 'gifted'; college should be for everyone who has two brain cells to rub together. If you think Santorum can ever lay claim to any form of speech other than the deranged ramblings of a tattered mind, try reading this aloud with a straight face: "More education is not necessarily a good thing." Now, Santorum never said those words together in one sentence like I've written them right here, but that's what his endless blithering basically boils down to. College indoctrinates people. To what, believe in literature and maths and the tensile strengths of aluminium, copper, and silver? Give me a break. Give America a break, too.
No wonder Santorum has been satirically re-defined on the Internet as an unprintably obscene concept. Bearing that in mind, I'll go right ahead and print it for you. Santorum. Noun. The frothy mixture of personal lubricant and semen that is commonly the result of anal sex. Rick, you're full of it, mate. Full of santorum. If Rick Santorum did, through some miracle, get the Presidential nomination, so definitive and resounding would his defeat be at the polls that he, as well as the sheep who had thrown their lot in with him, would never see political daylight again. The simple fact is that the vast majority of American high-school students wish to go to college; even more (I seem to recall the figure being ninety-four per cent.) parents want this for their offspring. American families understand that the work force and the citizens of that great country must take the wheel in order to survive economically as individuals and as a country. Anyone who says that there is a shortage of youth choosing a four-year university over a technical or trade programme is similarly out of touch. The real problem is that there aren't enough graduates going either into university and succeeding there, or into a career college and succeeding there also. America needs to stand and deliver.
Hey, at least we know to whom Santorum's campaign panders: the redneck, uneducated lowest common denominator that is the real problem with America today. Why don't all the young folk just go fishin' in the water hole with uncle Bubba all day while he tells us about the facts of life; get a little sip o that fine country moonshine? Who needs all that book lurnin' anyhoo, thats for them fancypants libral city folk. Rick? Are you listening?
No comments:
Post a Comment