On Driver Design

I am growing sick and tired of the way companies design CDs for drivers (management software for printers and the like).  Does there have to be a useless programme that slows the computer down to 10% speed included on the CD?!  Answer: there doesn't.  Usually, the programme will pretend to do something useful, such as reporting the level of toner still left in the printer, or letting you write macros for the keys on the keyboard; this makes it even more confusing.  At least the drivers that are installing spyware (Do you agree to the terms and conditions of Google Toolbar?) let you give informed consent (Hell no!).

The worst company for this seems to be Hewlett-Packard... yet I like them most of all for hardware.  Several days ago, I needed to install a multifunction printer/scanner/fax on my Windows drive.  This thing is wireless, so I'm thinking I'll need to install the damn support bloatware with the driver, too.  I grit my teeth, make a restore point just in case, and start the bloatware installer.  Get this: the software is so huge that it comes on two CD's.  The install, predictably, takes over an hour (that's longer than Windows itself took).  You must restart your computer in order to proceed, yada yada.

Ten minutes later... What.  The.  Hell.  My CPU usage widget is showing 80% usage, my free memory widget is showing zero free memory, and my computer is running about as fast as a turtle... on Valium. The install took 200 MB of disc space.  Seriously, what the hell? I don't even bother trying to print.  I start up my system restore application, restore to the last checkpoint... takes another hour.  By this point, I'm sweating and my patience is about as existent as six-headed unicorns.

While the restore is happening, I grab the manual and start thumbing through it.  There's a hard-to-find section on how to make the multi-function box join a network.  Sounds promising.  Turns out, no PC required, you can hook the box up to a network.  I try it; takes me two minutes flat.  Well, how was I to know?  It wasn't in the quick start!  By this time, the restore is done.  I check my router to see at which IP address the multi-function box lives, and I navigate there.  The box has the nicest admin Web page I've ever seen.

With a practiced hand, I go through every folder on the two CD's to find the drivers directory.  No, not the bloatware; the bloody drivers.  You try explaining that to HP's support people.  I find the directory, finally, and I copy it over to my desktop.  I go through the Add Hardware wizard, finally get the damn printer installed, and restart into Linux.  On Windows, the whole experience took me over five hours: installing, venting, restoring, swearing, drinking beer, reading, setting up printer, setting up network, venting some more, another beer, installing just the driver, and one more beer.

In Linux, I spend half an hour on the Internet trying to find the HP printer driver kit.  I finally find it, download it, run it.  The driver kit asks me what printer protocol I use.  This could have been made a lot easier by having the choices: wired directly to pc, in wired network, in wireless network, wired to print server.  Instead, it uses all sorts of acronyms none of which I can understand, since I am not a network guru (no, the acronyms aren't wifi and 802.11b, I know what those are!).  I spend a little time trying, and erring, and trying again, till I finally get it.  Total time, one hour, despite some truly indecipherable acronyms.

HP's "quick and easy" driver and bloatware installation programmes are anything but.  The Linux ones are easier... and yet Linux has a reputation for being completely indecipherable.

Next time I will follow, yet again, my set-in-stone directions for installing drivers; you should too.  If you follow the steps below, you will never run into the kind of frustration that I ran into yesterday.

1.  Open the CD that came with your product.  Search for the string "*.inf".  Open every folder that has a file that ends in .inf in it and copy them to your Desktop.

2.  Run the Add New Hardware wizard.  When possible, click the "Have Disk..." button on the bottom: a dialogue box should appear.  Enter the path to the .inf folder, click OK.  If there are multiple folders, find the one that is compatible with your operating system and/or product.

3.  Your driver should now install, with no "support software".  If you want support software, download some, or buy some.

Addendum: if you want to be shocked, select all the .inf files (sometimes they're all in one big folder called DRIVERS), right-click, and click Properties.  The size should be no more than a few megabytes.  Now take a look at the other stuff... next time you say that drivers slow your computer down, think long and hard about what you mean by drivers, and do you need them.