In the wake of the goatfuck and clusterfuck that was the separation referendum in Scotland, I made several bold predictions on Twatter. Of course, as thanks, I got bombarded with acid, poison, and hate-mail, but I persevered, and these predictions, by and large, turned out to be true. Yes, I have fuck-all to do with Scotland, but the Mesopotamian Emergency is similarly analysed by people who have, by rights, fuck-all to do with it.
The fact is that, by and large, the only people who voted YES in that election were either an inch away from the fence, or belligerent, Buckie-swilling, kilt-wearing neds (the Scotch equivalent of English chavs or American white trash/rednecks) under the age of 26. None of the issues at hand were solved, in any meaningful way, by the YES campaign. It was all just a load of smoke and fucking mirrors. Duck, dodge, evade, deny, and then blame British imperialism. The rhetoric and tactics (but, surprisingly, not the policies) of the leader of the Scottish National Party, a potato bearing the name of Alex Salmond (very fishy!), bring to mind the rhetoric and tactics of a certain Austrian corporal and German chancellor.
I was actually scared that YES would win. The reason was, really, their loudness. By and large, they are an uncultured, loud-mouthed bunch, and this was fully taken advantage of by Salmond and his gang of malcontents. A robotic account was set up on Twatter to echo ("retweet" in Twatter newspeak) every single derogatory or pejorative remark by those who chose to vote NO. This exposed them to hate-mail; when I responded in solidarity, I was likewise bombarded. Four constituencies voted YES in the referendum: Dundee, Glasgow, North Lanark, and West Dunbarton. All four, coincidentally (or not), are ones where the tattoo-to-tooth ratio is highest. All in all, though, the result was surprisingly narrow: forty-five per cent. for separation.
In spite of this, I predicted that NO would win. I was right. I also predicted that world leaders would come out in opposition. I was right. Finally, I predicted that Alex Salmond would resign in disgrace. I was right.
Salmond's resignation, while something I desperately wanted, opens up a new can of worms. He had said, before his exit, that he would continue to serve his mandate, separation or not. He lied. Either that, or he was pushed out against his will. Both, to my surprise, are equally likely. Why does this open up a can of worms, you ask. The reason is that he had made a promise to respect the sovereign will of Scotland's sons and daughters, and that a second referendum would only come after a "generation". The unspoken rider to this is that this promise would be binding on Salmond only. So despite the fact that I hate the fat fuck with a passion, I am actually sorry to see him go, for one reason, and one reason only.
When Salmond leaves, he will be replaced by a woman named Nikki Sturgeon, also known as Fishisaurus Regina. Sturgeon will angle for yet another referendum and, based on the way the British government dropped the ball last time, they're going to let themselves get fucked by Fishisaurus and her six-foot strap-on, again without the simple courtesy of a reach-round. The only upside is that Sturgeon isn't such a National Sozialist, or at least she doesn't appear that way.
Salmond's back room deals involved extortion of financial corporations and even the governing people of the University of St Andrews (the Scotch counterpart of Yale). I don't think Sturgeon is that bad. Although I suppose I should be careful what I wish for: a kinder, nicer SNP leader might attract another 5% to vote YES next time around, and then we'd seriously be fucked. And there will be a "next time around", believe you me.
The only possible solution would be a Conservative-Ukip coalition, with Ukip winning seats in Scotland. Let's pray it happens. Hold on tight to your hats and your arses, people... because they just might get blown off from under you.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Thoughts on Ello
There is a new social network making the rounds. It is called Ello, and I was recently granted the chance to try it out. First impressions were good. The site is minimalist and elegant, reminiscent more of the old, classic iPod than anything else. It is also reminiscent of the Facebook of my high-school years, rather than the one of today. The font hearkens back to the heady BBS days of the 1980's, when you logged in by dialling a phone number, and text either appeared on your screen or was printed out. I approve greatly.
I have a few quibbles, though. One is about the business model. They pledge not to use advertisements on their network, or to give your data to third parties. Their manifesto (how very Communist of them) contains something along the lines of, you are not the product. The problem is, when you operate a free site, your clients must be the product. Any other free business model is either unsustainable, or not truly free. This is the case with so-called "freemium" products: more often than not, they are intentionally hobbled to such an extent that usability is impaired. In plain English, they fuck you at every turn, tell you to stand and deliver, and then they don't even have the common courtesy of giving you a reach round. They have no fucking choice: they need the money. It's as simple as that.
The Ello management is, justifiably, reticent about where they got their money: nearly half a million dollars. They do say that it came from a venture capitalist group. Venture capitalists are known for having fists so tight that if you gave them a lump of coal to hold onto, it would turn into a diamond a minute later. Kickstarter people just want a product to use and are dedicated enough to pay to have it made; venture capitalists want a return on investment. They will not support a product just because it looks pretty or because it works. Venture capitalists eat greenbacks and shit product.
The key word is "exit". Venture capitalists pay money for an opportunity to exit. This comes in two ways: a buyout (big shark, little shark, little shark gets eaten) or a flotation (little shark, school of piranhas, little shark gets eaten). Examples? Facebook got floated. Google got floated. Instagram got bought out. Skype got bought out. In any case, idealism goes down the longkang and the manifesto goes out the window. Such is the price to pay for venture capital. There are ways to defeat this. One way would be to use venture capital as, in effect, a loan. The Ello management could solicit people to buy shares, and buy out the vampire capitalists in the process. Of course, such a thing will get you burned, thanks to said vampires. "Don't buy, you'll be bought out", and all that jazz. Good luck getting a penny more.
There are a few exceptions, like this online marketplace that I won't name. Suffice it to say that it was invented by a man named Jeff B. and, apparently, run by members of the American investment community as a non-profit for the benefit of consumers everywhere. Profit? What's that? But this ain't Ama---whoops, I said I wouldn't name it.
The way I see this, though, is like a really good party. Facebook was a fun underground party at the beginning: it started with just a velvet rope, a bouncer to check student ID, trendy liquor, and some ultra-modern furnishings. At this point, it was just you and your classmates from Harvard, Yale, Cambridge, what have you. Then they let high school students in, and the party got wilder (but lost a lot of its maturity). The bouncer got too expensive, so they fired him. People started flooding in and they wore out all the furniture. That got replaced, but it was replaced with stuff of lesser quality. They got a game console in to attract even more people, but that's when the party got weird. Eventually, even grannies and grand-dads got in on the act, and, let me tell you, if your granny goes to the same parties as you do, it's time to pull chocks and take off.
Google Plus has some of the same quirks, but it arguably never was a good party, and people saw it. You go in, and it's like, "Is there anybody alive out there?" I mean, it's all right for the sweater vest and red-trouser crowd, but come on. It's like going to a Christmas party at the office. Nobody actually has fun on there, do they. Do they?
Ello will likely go through the same phases. I wish it won't, but it will. All parties have to come to an end someday: it happened to Tagged, it happened to MySpace, it happened to Facebook... so let's just enjoy the fucking party while it fucking lasts, and when it gets weird, just kick the tyres and light the fires. On to the next one, and so on, ad nauseam (perhaps literally).
The furniture at the Ello party, unfortunately, seems to be from IKEA. It looks great, but it seems to be made in China, and as soon as you sit on the chairs to have a pint, BANG. The chair breaks underneath you. Some people have had the door fall off its hinges (browser crash at home page). And then there are the people invited to this shindig. From what I've seen, 99% of the Ello attendees are of three stripes. A sizeable minority are businesses, there to network and to gain more customers. Then there's the LesBiGayTrans crowd, tired of what they see as discriminatory policies at Facebook. Or just because the party got weird... but then again, they are largely a liberal crowd, and, as such, will seek any reason under God's bright sun to protest. Liberals love to protest like gin loves tonic. Finally, there's the $500 pram, organic-everything, neck-beard, thrift-store, fixed-gear bike, chunky black plastic specs crowd. I understand the word "hipster" is too mainstream (isn't it ironic?). I guess they all got in because "you've probably never heard of it".
Let's see how this develops, though. I managed to score an invite and will try to keep y'all posted on how things work... let's just hope that the 99% will shrink in proportion. I'm sick and tired of the god damn hipsters.
I have a few quibbles, though. One is about the business model. They pledge not to use advertisements on their network, or to give your data to third parties. Their manifesto (how very Communist of them) contains something along the lines of, you are not the product. The problem is, when you operate a free site, your clients must be the product. Any other free business model is either unsustainable, or not truly free. This is the case with so-called "freemium" products: more often than not, they are intentionally hobbled to such an extent that usability is impaired. In plain English, they fuck you at every turn, tell you to stand and deliver, and then they don't even have the common courtesy of giving you a reach round. They have no fucking choice: they need the money. It's as simple as that.
The Ello management is, justifiably, reticent about where they got their money: nearly half a million dollars. They do say that it came from a venture capitalist group. Venture capitalists are known for having fists so tight that if you gave them a lump of coal to hold onto, it would turn into a diamond a minute later. Kickstarter people just want a product to use and are dedicated enough to pay to have it made; venture capitalists want a return on investment. They will not support a product just because it looks pretty or because it works. Venture capitalists eat greenbacks and shit product.
The key word is "exit". Venture capitalists pay money for an opportunity to exit. This comes in two ways: a buyout (big shark, little shark, little shark gets eaten) or a flotation (little shark, school of piranhas, little shark gets eaten). Examples? Facebook got floated. Google got floated. Instagram got bought out. Skype got bought out. In any case, idealism goes down the longkang and the manifesto goes out the window. Such is the price to pay for venture capital. There are ways to defeat this. One way would be to use venture capital as, in effect, a loan. The Ello management could solicit people to buy shares, and buy out the vampire capitalists in the process. Of course, such a thing will get you burned, thanks to said vampires. "Don't buy, you'll be bought out", and all that jazz. Good luck getting a penny more.
There are a few exceptions, like this online marketplace that I won't name. Suffice it to say that it was invented by a man named Jeff B. and, apparently, run by members of the American investment community as a non-profit for the benefit of consumers everywhere. Profit? What's that? But this ain't Ama---whoops, I said I wouldn't name it.
The way I see this, though, is like a really good party. Facebook was a fun underground party at the beginning: it started with just a velvet rope, a bouncer to check student ID, trendy liquor, and some ultra-modern furnishings. At this point, it was just you and your classmates from Harvard, Yale, Cambridge, what have you. Then they let high school students in, and the party got wilder (but lost a lot of its maturity). The bouncer got too expensive, so they fired him. People started flooding in and they wore out all the furniture. That got replaced, but it was replaced with stuff of lesser quality. They got a game console in to attract even more people, but that's when the party got weird. Eventually, even grannies and grand-dads got in on the act, and, let me tell you, if your granny goes to the same parties as you do, it's time to pull chocks and take off.
Google Plus has some of the same quirks, but it arguably never was a good party, and people saw it. You go in, and it's like, "Is there anybody alive out there?" I mean, it's all right for the sweater vest and red-trouser crowd, but come on. It's like going to a Christmas party at the office. Nobody actually has fun on there, do they. Do they?
Ello will likely go through the same phases. I wish it won't, but it will. All parties have to come to an end someday: it happened to Tagged, it happened to MySpace, it happened to Facebook... so let's just enjoy the fucking party while it fucking lasts, and when it gets weird, just kick the tyres and light the fires. On to the next one, and so on, ad nauseam (perhaps literally).
The furniture at the Ello party, unfortunately, seems to be from IKEA. It looks great, but it seems to be made in China, and as soon as you sit on the chairs to have a pint, BANG. The chair breaks underneath you. Some people have had the door fall off its hinges (browser crash at home page). And then there are the people invited to this shindig. From what I've seen, 99% of the Ello attendees are of three stripes. A sizeable minority are businesses, there to network and to gain more customers. Then there's the LesBiGayTrans crowd, tired of what they see as discriminatory policies at Facebook. Or just because the party got weird... but then again, they are largely a liberal crowd, and, as such, will seek any reason under God's bright sun to protest. Liberals love to protest like gin loves tonic. Finally, there's the $500 pram, organic-everything, neck-beard, thrift-store, fixed-gear bike, chunky black plastic specs crowd. I understand the word "hipster" is too mainstream (isn't it ironic?). I guess they all got in because "you've probably never heard of it".
Let's see how this develops, though. I managed to score an invite and will try to keep y'all posted on how things work... let's just hope that the 99% will shrink in proportion. I'm sick and tired of the god damn hipsters.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
A No-Holds-Barred Comparison of Canadian Political Leaders
I wrote the below reply on a social networking site called BookFace or something along those lines. One of my friends, a poli sci student of Pakistani extraction, had come out in opposition against an investment agreement Canada was planning with China. I posted a series of replies, and then figured... hey, that could make a great overview on Canadian politicos!So, here goes, verbatim et literatim, enjoy.
Much as I dislike Stephen Harper, free trade is not the reason. The world is getting smaller, and I would be surprised if, in thirty years, national borders hold any meaning whatever beyond the social construct of "culture". If there WILL be any borders, they will be big, supranational ones between power blocs (EU, NAFTA, Commonwealth, CIS, etc) and not between nation-states as we know them today.
The real problem with Stephen Harper is his agreement with, and endorsement of, American aggression in the Middle East and elsewhere. Harper is waging war for fun and profit. Not cool, dude.
But think of the alternatives. Justin Trudeau is an annoying brat who hasn't the foggiest idea of how the world works. He is obnoxious, inexperienced, and utterly unqualified for the job he wishes to hold. He is a locum history teacher, who has admitted to recreational drug abuse in the presence of his two small children. He wants government spending left, right, and centre, when we haven't the money to spend in the first place. And most gallingly, he thinks that the name makes the man, rather than vice versa. He thinks he's some sort of Canadian Rockefeller.
Thomas Mulcair shares Trudeau's spendomania. That's really his biggest problem. The other problem is that under his tenure, the Canadian NDP has returned to its roots, rather than Layton's softer "Liberals of the Left" version. This might not sound like such a problem, until you realise that the old NDP, as well as the new NDP, is Canada's answer to the British Labour Party of the Fifties, rather than Labour of today. Old Labour/NDP are both parties run by the working class (aka those who are on their feet at work) for the working class. We are not working class. We are middle class. I don't want the unions (especially not Mafia-influenced unions like the Teamsters) running the show. Otherwise, Mulcair is actually an honest man.
And then there's Elizabeth May. The best and worst that can be said for her is that she's a complete and utter nutbar. Not to say she's a moron. Big difference. But because of her over-riding goal of ecological activism, sustainability, carbon neutrality, or God knows what the word for it is nowadays, she's willing to tank the Canadian economy. Her ideas, although they may be solid ten, fifteen, or twenty years down the line, are absolutely pie in the sky today. The problem is that if you impose controls on companies so as to save the Earth upon which you walk, you will make these companies bankrupt and thus lead yourself straight into the mouth of destitution.
God's honest truth is that the Liberals are THE party for Canada in times of economic boom. We are not in a boom. We are in the throes of the Great Recession, and the go-to party for depressions and recessions are the Conservatives. Simple as that.
Much as I dislike Stephen Harper, free trade is not the reason. The world is getting smaller, and I would be surprised if, in thirty years, national borders hold any meaning whatever beyond the social construct of "culture". If there WILL be any borders, they will be big, supranational ones between power blocs (EU, NAFTA, Commonwealth, CIS, etc) and not between nation-states as we know them today.
The real problem with Stephen Harper is his agreement with, and endorsement of, American aggression in the Middle East and elsewhere. Harper is waging war for fun and profit. Not cool, dude.
But think of the alternatives. Justin Trudeau is an annoying brat who hasn't the foggiest idea of how the world works. He is obnoxious, inexperienced, and utterly unqualified for the job he wishes to hold. He is a locum history teacher, who has admitted to recreational drug abuse in the presence of his two small children. He wants government spending left, right, and centre, when we haven't the money to spend in the first place. And most gallingly, he thinks that the name makes the man, rather than vice versa. He thinks he's some sort of Canadian Rockefeller.
Thomas Mulcair shares Trudeau's spendomania. That's really his biggest problem. The other problem is that under his tenure, the Canadian NDP has returned to its roots, rather than Layton's softer "Liberals of the Left" version. This might not sound like such a problem, until you realise that the old NDP, as well as the new NDP, is Canada's answer to the British Labour Party of the Fifties, rather than Labour of today. Old Labour/NDP are both parties run by the working class (aka those who are on their feet at work) for the working class. We are not working class. We are middle class. I don't want the unions (especially not Mafia-influenced unions like the Teamsters) running the show. Otherwise, Mulcair is actually an honest man.
And then there's Elizabeth May. The best and worst that can be said for her is that she's a complete and utter nutbar. Not to say she's a moron. Big difference. But because of her over-riding goal of ecological activism, sustainability, carbon neutrality, or God knows what the word for it is nowadays, she's willing to tank the Canadian economy. Her ideas, although they may be solid ten, fifteen, or twenty years down the line, are absolutely pie in the sky today. The problem is that if you impose controls on companies so as to save the Earth upon which you walk, you will make these companies bankrupt and thus lead yourself straight into the mouth of destitution.
God's honest truth is that the Liberals are THE party for Canada in times of economic boom. We are not in a boom. We are in the throes of the Great Recession, and the go-to party for depressions and recessions are the Conservatives. Simple as that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)