Mayor of Toronto. When people hear this, they think of a carrot-topped, morbidly obese, hard-working and hard-partying hulk of a man named Rob Ford. And they're right. Rob Ford has practically become a symbol, for better or worse, of Toronto. Ford jokes have become nothing if not a fucking staple on late-night television, and the mere mention of Toronto is enough to get sniggers all round, with perhaps the odd question of, "What's happened to their crackhead Mayor?"
Yet an impartial panel of experts broken down by age and sex (i.e., me---because nobody is more broken down by age and sex than I) has determined that he is by far the most suitable candidate for the job. As for the personality quirks, who doesn't like a Mayor that regularly eats pussy and is proud of it?
I know a lot of people hate Ford owing to his avoidance of the Toronto gay Pride parade. I don't, and here's my reasoning. I am philosophically opposed to any sort of Pride when it comes to sexual orientation, and this purely because what goes on in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom. Although I disagree with homosexual practices, I don't believe it should be a criminal act---but neither do I believe it should be a public affair. On balance, I don't think heterosexual practices should be a public affair neither.
If you're gay/straight/bi/whatever... keep the dancing and kissing and fucking in the clubs and at home. Don't expose the rest of us to your public displays of affection. And don't scream out, "I'm gay and proud to be so!", or, for that matter, "I'm bi/straight/anything with legs and proud to be so!" Furthermore, the Pride parade is anything but family-friendly---like Ford, I find the nudity and the simulated sex acts inappropriate for a city-sponsored event.
If the Mayor should be tradition-bound to participate at a parade, it should be the Orange Order parade, or the Masonic parade. The reason for this is that the history of Toronto is inseparable from that of the Orange Order: until the 1960's, every sitting Mayor of Toronto was a dues-paying member of that fine Protestant institution, and the tradition was a great one. The Orange Order parade is one that is inoffensive to anyone but Irish republicans, obviously family-friendly, and also it is not an eyesore like Pride.
Ford, for all his flaws (and I would certainly not consider eating pussy a flaw), is nothing short of an expert when it comes to financial matters. If anyone hasn't noticed by now, Toronto is in a financial crisis. Rob Ford is the only candidate with the skill to find out what needs cutting, and the balls to say, "Last stop for the gravy train."
He also is the only one with a sensible plan for the Toronto Underground. When compared with other cities of comparable size and demographic in North America (CHICAGO!) and Europe (Vienna or Munich), Toronto has the worst damn Underground system I have ever seen in my life. Even the station design is absolutely terrible.
Allow me to sustain my digression for a bit. The original incarnation of the Toronto Underground system used a public-bathroom aesthetic. This is NOT a bad thing---the tiled look and distinctive font is very pretty. The problem came when the TTC (the commission in charge of the Underground) failed to establish an architecture department, or even an engineering department. So the new stations are a hotch-potch of various designs, including a very kitschy Museum Station.
The only problem with Ford is that he is a walking Public Relations nightmare. He drinks like a fish, eats far in excess of anything a man his size would need, speaks his mind even when the expedient thing would be to lie, and refuses to spend unnecessary cash even when this would be advisable. For instance, Ford declines to use a chauffeur; this despite the fact that he is a busy man and his job description requires reading prior to actually beginning his work day.
This, along with the poll results, has made me fear that Ford will not be elected a second time, which would be a bloody shame. The next-best man is one named John Tory. In the main, he is a good Mayoral candidate as well, with a few important differences to Ford, but also substantially similar in many ways.
Tory, like Ford, is a conservative candidate. This is a good thing. Toronto needs conservatism. The difference is that Rob Ford is the populist candidate, that is, one with a rhetoric appealing to the proletariat/the "working class"; while John Tory is the Establishment candidate, with rather upper-class speech patterns and a polished manner. The content of their agenda, however, is substantially the same; they differ, more or less, in electability and in skill set.
Oh, yes, and in Underground opinion. Ford is by far the best when it comes to the Underground. For Tory, it's merely another campaign point, whereas it's the heart and soul of the race for Rob Ford.
Tory is far more electable among the general middle-to-upper class, over-50 bracket; these are the people that are most reliable and will turn up to elections for certain. On the other hand, Ford has a fan club whose support for him can be characterised as nothing if not rabid. These supporters, however, tend not to be university-educated and tend to be in the lower income brackets; the exception of course are the people from Ford's home town of Etobicoke.
The worst option, and, sadly, a very popular one, is Olivia Chow. Now, I don't say this because she is a woman or a born Hongkie---in fact, I have nothing but the utmost respect for women as well as for everyone from Hongkong (I do love that island!) She represents the (very) liberal side at the campaign, and like most liberals, she is an absolute, total, and utter fool. I loved her (now, sadly, deceased) husband Jack Layton, but Chow is, for better or worse (more worse than better), the Hilary Clinton of Canadian politics. She exerted much backroom influence on Layton, and the majority of this influence was undue and malign.
A simple look at the agenda of these three politicians tells a lot. Ford and Tory share much of the same sane and sober agenda, although they do tend to phrase certain things differently. Ford tells it like it is, while Tory tends to waffle a bit before giving a somewhat wishy-washy reply. Of course, speech patterns matter jack shit; the more important thing is the content.
For instance, Ford is willing to support the (very partial---not more than ten percent) privatisation of the Toronto Hydroelectric Corporation. Tory has reservations about "fire sales" but won't rule anything out. Chow, on the other hand, will not budge an inch and refuses to sell even a single share of Toronto Hydro.
Ford and Tory agree on the extension of the Scarborough Rapid Transit (essentially, a customised Underground) for three more stops. This plan has been approved and fully funded by City Council (in American terms, the Board of Supervisors). They also agree on privatising rubbish collection east of Yonge Street, as was done west of Yonge Street by Ford. Finally, Ford and Tory both want to create a big music festival for Toronto.
Here's where they differ: Ford wants to cut the land transfer tax (good on ya, Rob!) and Tory seems to be a bit wishy-washy as per his usual style, but open to the discussion regardless. Tory and Ford both want to keep property taxes from increasing too much, but the mechanics of their respective plans are somewhat different. Ford wants to expand the Toronto Island airport, whereas Tory still has questions but is open to discussion, as usual.
Chow goes against all of this. She must be mad. First of all, she wishes to scrap the fully-funded and fully-approved Scarborough Rapid Transit extension, and build the cheaper and much less convenient surface rail track in its place, as originally envisioned. Second, she refuses to privatise rubbish collection just yet; this, in Chow speak, means she refuses to privatise it at all. Furthermore, instead of making Toronto better with a music festival like Ford and Tory want to do, she wants to make Toronto worse by pedestrianising a few very busy streets. Chow is firmly for retaining the land transfer tax and property tax as is, and against expanding the Island airport.
In short, Chow wants to return to the Miller days, when City Hall was run by the unions and when the gravy train was just chugging along. We can't have that. Especially not in these days of financial crisis. Please, please, if you're a Torontonian and hate Ford, consider voting Tory. He's a good man and will keep the city running.
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